Lethargic
August 6 - 22, 2023
back in the dark
there's nothing more
besides my ever cold beating heart
after all this time
i figured everything on my thumbs
coming and growing
assuredness that i know
very much i know
the clarity of this all
stopped then asked
where have i gone now
to try and find myself again
to put my mind at ease
and forget my troubles
my conscience is fading
and all that time i had is gone
with everything that it took away from me
the things i want to say
right there behind the hurdle
i'm never going to reach it
no matter how many times i have already tried
clearly it's obvious
but i don't know why it's not there
and why it doesn't speak a word
or letting me have my patience
shall i try again and again
shall i speak my mind once more
shall i have the words to put it together
because i don't have a choice
no second chance
but i want to
and i will:
oh april
what did i ever do
that i have no idea
and where to go from here
are you the reason
all the seasons come and go now
with nothing to take in
and everything to swallow
oh google
my days as your fanboy
obsessed over your name
hadn't it been for it i would've cried for days
but now it's nothing but a disgusting monopoly
driving towards the greed
within these rules i'll never play by
just to feed your ego
and all that you seek to obstruct
oh life
i was pure and alive
a child with no bearings
but the harsher truth comes kicking in
and you had to punch me right in the teeth
talking me into this depressive state
taking me to imaginary places
telling me to ignore everything around me
and keep my stakes at this level
prolonging what i had to do
until it was already too late
because you can't let me speak my mind anymore
i don't know what these mean anymore
they mean a lot to me
but now it's tearing me apart
day by day
month by month
year by year
my hair growing back again
all over my body
dye it black number one
let no one see me in the daylight
and have my name disappear into the void
with these years gone by
i have no choice but to cope
time and again
all that i have now is this cat
along with the thoughts i prosper
its face endlessly stalking me
giving me a preposterous grin
staring into my soul
straight through my problems
distracting me again
so opaquely
this is the point where i'm at
the screen i still gawk at
and i'm still not progressing
all these things are nothing
but i can't escape them
still lingering behind my back
along the things i want to get over with
the turning point i want to make
but i'm still not ready
and will probably never be