Bitter Thought
September 27 - October 16, 2020
I.
I want to lay in this very grass
and look at every sight of the world
All I would see is the people
making fool of themselves
unaware of what beholds them
How would they know
if something would've happened to them
when they're the ones causing harm
It's their doom
and they wouldn't know at all
I'm complaining
because that's what they deserve
II.
I'm doing nothing worth of joy
I'm only causing problems to myself
I never ask people for approval
yet I think it's good enough
They know it's not okay
and that I'm doing this for no reason
They want me to stop
but I just keep on fooling them
Somehow it's still worth something
How would I know
III.
What's the point of trying
when I already tried
It never gets better from there
and it makes me feel worse
I'd rather tinker with better things
than try and try again
but I can't shake the feeling off my mind
and just forget it all
Is this really all I'm asking for myself
I know it works
but I can't force myself to it
nor is it better to let go
I don't know anymore
IV.
There's nothing in this world
that would keep my eyes open
There's no excuse in this world
that would keep me distracted
from day-to-day problems
I'm somehow trying to distract myself
with things that aren't necessary
I keep talking to myself about it
and keep angering myself
Why is it so hard
to just not cause myself any ruckus
and try to move on to what's better
There's nothing there
that is really important
It's better forget it
and worry about what's important
V.
Why is it hard for me
to not listen
What's the point
of trying to communicate
Why am I being constantly lectured
by everyone around me
Can't they understand that
I don't like to talk
Can't they understand that
I hate being lectured
Can't they understand that
they're troubling me everyday
Do they really think that
I'm being very disingenuous
Do they really think that
I don't care
Do they really think that
I'm just a goofy outcast
I don't see the point
of mocking me and my personality
Is it really that funny
I try and try
but they mock me
for every second
I make a face
or mutter a God damned word
I'm trying my best
to contribute to society
but they won't let me
They just mock me for everything
and disavowing me for no reason
I don't understand why
I'll never understand why
If they won't let some autist
contribute to the human filth
then what's the point
It's just pointless
This world is dead to me